Embarassments

My friend Malin and I were talking the other day about things that all of a sudden creeps into your head. Those things are often embarassing memories, situations or feelings that you thought that you had forgot all about, but from nowhere rises to the surface, like a deadly shark attack! Your body always shiver with uncomfort and a sense of that you need to escape this situation FAST follows, but the problem is that it can sometimes be problamatic to get away from your own train of thoughts.

I often deal with these situations by banging my head really hard with my fist, saying loud and clear "NO GABBIS!". My strategy is simply to teach my brain that if it ever tries to recreat embarassing moments, it will be punished!
Malin on the other hand, deal with this in a more peaceful way, by singing LA LA LAAAAA! Which, unfortunaly, can create new embarassing memories, since walking around like you are on a Sound of Music-set, isnt always looked upon like a sign of mental health. Neither is banging your head with your fist, screaming out your name, come to think about it.

The most interesting thing is that it doesnt matter how old those memories are or that you even knew that they excisted, they dont even have to be that embarassing, the feeling of discomfort is still very manifestable.

I have one specific memory from when I was about 8 or 9 years old. In school, every friday we had like 30 minutes when a group of pupils had arranged something special for the class. I had gathered my whole class in the assemble room, for some singing. Ofcourse, since I since I was young liked being in the center of everything, I was the choirmaster. It should be added, that I didnt know anything about being a chorimaster, since I was 8-9 years old! All of a sudden, I point to one guy and yelled out, stomping my feet to the music: YOU! SING SOLO!
Everybody went quiet, except the guy who bravely started to sing by himself. So long, so good.

But since I actually had no idea what the term "solo" meant, I started to give everybody who wasnt singing an evil stare. WHY ARE YOU NOT SINING! I cried out in that high pitch voice that only mentally insane children can do. DONT YOU LIKE ME, WHY ARE YOU NOT SINGING! SING! SING! Everybody looked really uncomfterable and started to sing. HIGHER! HIGHER! I screamed from the top of my lungs! EVERYBODY SING HIGHER, AND YOU (I pointed to the solo guy again) YOU SING SOLO HIGHER WITH EVEYBODY ELSE!

Thankfully, I have not been a choirmaster since. I say thankfully, since if I had been allowed to do that again, imagine how many times a day I would have to beat myself up!