Gabbis tolkar Shakira

Nu är det dags för poesistund med inhyrda allmänna vänsterkulturkvinnan Liv. I premiäravsnittet tolkar hon den fantastiska texten "Hips dont lie" av Shakira.

The Internet story

I have recently moved to a new appartment which means that I have been without Internet for over a week.
I have spent the extra time wisely, reading, cleaning, cooking, learning important things that a  (Ehm, who am I kidding, I been going insane - my only safe place has been at work during lunch - when I have stared at facebook without even blinking for 60 minutes straight).

Today; I had enough. I went to my landlord and asked what had happened? They excused themselves and gave me a code so that I could unlock it. Excited over the idea that the internet was just a few digits away I went home with quick steps. Did the code work? No
I went back. They told me that I needed at disc. They did not have the disc. I had to wait until tomorrow so the disc-guy could show up. BUT! There was another solution. I could go to the internetprovider and ask them to change the internet to WIFI. Then I could use the internet today - soon - like in a few hours - without any disc. Without having to wait until tomorrow!

So I went. I walked to the closest store, about 20 minutes away. But you know what, since it was a Tuesday at 15.15 the store was closed. Yes, that is Malta for you. So I went to the next store, another 15 minutes away. It did not exist!

But you should never give up! So, I decided to take a bus ride to the third store. That took another 45 minutes. And there it was. A internet store - and it was open! So I walked in, overfilled with the thought that later today, I could be spending my day off from work - watching Jersey Shore.

- No, you cannot get a wireless router unless you bring the old modem with you! the very unfriendly cashier said. BUT! You can go to the other Internet Store that is 15 minutes away and buy one for 50 euros, instead of coming back tomorrow and annoying me and getting one for free.

And look, now I have Internet. Not because I paid 15 minutes or the disc guy appeared from no where, and not even because the bitch-cashier felt sorry for me and gave me one anyhow. It is because Im a fucking loser who went to work on my day of so I could get my daily fix of THE INTERNET!


I need help.

Paying a compliment

Today at work, Im wearing this awesome sweater that my grandma made for me while I was away in Hong Kong.

Me: Erik, what do you think of my sweater?
Erik: It looks like the kind of sweater my grandma would wear.
Me: Hm, I think I will take that as a compliment.
Erik: Eh... no, but I mean, you look like a grown-up.
Me: Adult like in 70 years old? 80? 90? How old is your grandma exactly?
Erik: Actually she is dead.

So, this sweater apparently makes me look like a dead old woman. And that ladies and gentlemen, is why you should never fish for a compliment!

On my way back to Malta

Im at arlanda airport waiting for my flight that leaves early tomorrow morning. All-in-all, this trip will take 25 hours, 7 of those I will spend in Hamburg waiting for my transit flight. Earlier tonight I called my sister Rebecka to say goodbye and  also while away some hours.

Rebecka: Oh I hate waiting. What will you do in Hamburg for 7 hours?
Me: I dont know, I downloaded some movies, but it is so hard to understand how long 7 hours are before you actually sit around and wait.
Rebecka: Yes, it is like when I was a kid. I really wanted to see this tv-show, but it started after 2 hours. So I asked dad how long two hours were. He said it was quite long, but not superlong. So I decided to sit and stare at a clock until the show started. Two hours felt like forever!
Me: You were the strangest kid! It is like the time when you saw some teasers for r another tv show and you sat up and waited and waited until you fell asleep!
Rebecka: Oh yes, that was the time I learned the diffrence between "coming soon" and "coming up next".

BINGO with consequences

A tradition in Sweden the day before Christmas Eve is to play Bingo. Almost everyone who is "middle class" eats a ham sandwich (special christmas ham), dreams about winning the big cash and watch this awful tv show with swedish boy bands covering christmas carols as a entertainment between the Bingo games. In Sweden we call it "Uppesittarkväll" which is translated into "stay up all night, watch crappy TV and then complain about the fact that you never win, promise yourself that next year, we will not watch this shit or play this game ever again - but then next year, ofcourse you find yourself sitting there again".

Anyhow. The Christmas edition of Bingo is a bit different, which means that on each row, you can win different things if you get Bingo. For example, you can win 25000 swedish kronor (2500 euros), a dream vacation  or a new smart phone.

This year I found myself experiencing the "Uppesittarkväll"-fenomena once again, with the difference that this time, I won. I got BINGO! But I did not win a new car, I did not even win 100 kronor (10 euros). Instead, I won two schratching lottery ticktes.
 

Me: What?! This is the first time I got bingo ever, and I dont even get 100 kronor. I will just get two lottery tickets and the chance that I will win money on those is even smaller than the chance I had to get bingo!
Mom: What, no! This is perfect! We will go and collect the lottery tickets on monday - and we will become millionairs!
Me: You know, that when I was young, you told me that if you win a lot of money on lottery tickets, you had to go to see a shrink!

This little girl was afraid of spiders, ghosts and winning money.

Mom: I did not!
Me: Yes you did, and for several years when someone gave me a lottery ticket, I was afraid that I had to go to therapy. You know that 25 kronor (2,50 euro) was a lot for a kid! I was afraid that I would go insane!
Mom: Well if it makes you feel better, I can get the tickets, keep the money and you can just go insane. I think you need some help anyhow.

Whatever does she mean?!

Nu vet man att man är hemma

Jag har lämnat Malta bakom mig för att som den julfascist jag är, fira en klassisk svensk vit underbar hysterisk jul hemma i Dalarna. Idag anlände jag till Falun efter att ha färdats i 24 (!) timmar. Min låtsaspappa Per hämtade upp mig hos mina kusiner och öppnade upp bakluckan för att jag skall kunna slänga in min väska.

Per: Oj, här låg det ju ett däck.
Jag: Den måste ha däckat här.
Per: Ja men det är ju för att det är (h)jul!

Jocke VS Albin

This is the story about a love triangle, well it is not the real story, just the ending.

Sorry you guys, this is a private joke, but if you dont mind, you can watch it anyhow to see the revival of music videos. Not that this is the new cool place to check out awesome videos or anything, but at least Im showing one music video this year...that is more than you can say about MTV.