Monday, August 29, 2011

The Swedish girl who went up a mountain and never came back

Just before the rooster called out the start of a new day, I woke up and got ready for this monday mornings mission: to find a computer store in Malta. You see, Malta does not have a city center, their shops are just placed randomly, I imagine it is because they need something to do here.
"Lets go and find a shop" - mystery. Anyhow, prepered with a bottle of water and my computer, I set off.

Now you might wonder if I had any idea of where I was supposed to go. Well as always in Malta, I had looked at a map on the job computer, tried to remember where it was at, repressed all memories I had about how I was always lost and then started walking trying to find this little mountain store. It did not go too bad, after walking uphill for 45 minutes, I decided to stand on a stone, and there I was. But it is not enough to know where it is at, the biggest problem in Malta is to figure out how you are supposed to walk there. Nemas problemas, I thought, I will pretend that Im a car. I crossed a round-about as fast as a ferrari and saw a little sign "Klikk computer store" - go to the left. Happy about my success as a car, I started walking to the left.

But as always when I think I have figured out how the map system works in Malta, I was lost again. Soon I was surrounded by half-naked maltese men saying hello. Soon enough, however, I found a women in a worse state than me. Her car was broken down, and she was sitting underneath a palm three, relaxing, waiting for someone to come and fix her car.

- Excuse me, do you know how I can find Klikk computer store?
The women looked at me, with a smile that made me realize that she was feeling more sorry about my situation, than her own. After half giggling for like 2 minutes, she answered.
- Yes, well you kind of have to walk there dont you. So try to go up there, because the store is alongside the main road, and that´s not where you are right now.

I followed her advice, strangely enough, but it was the only one advice I had. After another 10 minutes, I was as close to the main road as I could be, if there wouldnt be a fucking fence between us.

But all of a sudden, Karma went on a break, and I found a hole, sneaked through it like I was rambo. But no, nowhere was the store to be seen. Since I walked around now for nearly 90 minutes and I had to go to my job, I decided it was time to go back, and just hope that the computer store would be on my way.

And guess what, IT WAS!

I went in, talked with this maltese IT-guy (yes he looked like you would expect him to look like if you work with computers anywhere at anytime) and after trying this and that, he stated with a clear voice.
- I believe that your problem is that your charger doesnt work.
Afraid that he would be offeneded, I did not mention that this was what I said when I came in to the store 15 minutes earlier.

He went to get me a new charger, and for some minutes there I was in heaven. Until we all realized that he could not accept my foreign credit card. Oh the joy.
So I just gave up, realized that I had to go to work now anyhow. And left. And talking about left, on the way back, I saw that if I had just walked right, instead of following the left sign, I would have saved 30 minutes of being lost.

You would think that this was the end of Gabbis looking for a computer store in the maltese mountains. But no. On the way back, I got lost. Ofcourse. I had no more water, I was about to start work and even though I was on top of a mountain where I could see the whole of Malta, I could not even locate where I lived, even less I could figure out where the fuck I worked.

After running around, screaming in a high pitch voice "WHERE IS THE SKATE PARK, WHERE IS THE SKATE PARK!" I finally found it. I ran, in 35 degrees celsius down the mountain, and somehow I found my job. 20 minutes late.

So now everyone, especially my boss, thinks Im a person without any job morals. Which is not true.

Im just a person without any sence of geography. And also a person without a computer.

THE END.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

FML

WHY?! WHY KARMA?!

My computer is dying. It has exactly 14 minutes left because it has decided that it wont charge anymore. Can someone please tell me how to find a computer store in Malta? Do they exist? And if you know about a place, please send me a letter, since I will not be able to read any comments. Or be on facebook. Or watch jersey shore.

Goodbye.

Friday, August 26, 2011

The teenage years



Malin and I were once again talking about embarassing things and obviously we started talking about our teenage years and what we wrote in our diaries. I recollect specifically one submission.

When I was younger, I used to hang out with my cousins quite alot. Often, their cousins (which Im not related to, VERY IMPORTANT POINT TO THIS STORY) was with us as well.
The summer I turned 13 I was madly in love with my cousins cousin ( ONCE AGAIN; WE WERE NOT RELATED, THIS IS NOT AN INCEST STORY!) which we can call Erik.

From the diary (well sort of, since I dont have it with me in Malta, but this is how I remember it):
" We were going out for a swim, but I didnt have any swim wear. I borrowed someone elses, and I have to say, my boobs looked great in them! They were very big! As we came to the beach, my youngest cousin asked Erik if he wanted to be my boyfriend. He took a glance at my breasts and said "Yes". I dont know why, but I chickened out and screamed to his face: I WAS JUST JOKING! You know, before he could say that to me!"
Sadly, after this summer, we started a new school, and he became one of the cool ones, and I was obviously the geek and outcast.He ignnored the fact that he even knew me and my little teenage heart was forever broken. I didnt speak with him, he didnt look at my boobies UNTIL! I met him in a pub a couple of years ago.

He came up to me, with quite a flirty smile on his face and said:
- Hey, didnt you used to be my girlfriend when we were younger?
I stared at him, this now probably nice boy that had treated my teenage self so bad! I answered:
- No, that was just a joke.

And that, my friends, is what we call TEENAGE REVENGE! Booya! (also, we call it close-to-incest-experience).
The boy in this picture has nothing to do with this story, but this is taken when I was 17 years old.

What if - day 6

Day 6 : what If you could be another person for a day, who would you be?

There are always things that you wished that you had and people who has it, like money ( do I want to be Bill Gates), beauty (or Heidi Klum), Fame (maybe Brad Pitt), knowledge ( like Steven Hawking) or awesome humor ( like Eddie Izzard). But no, I dont want to be anyone of them. I think Im pretty awesome, so I wouldnt like to be anyone else because of any of those factors. I would however like some power. No, I dont want to be Obama, but I would like to be Kim Jong Il.


It is not because I like to look at things that much (http://kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com/) but would it not be awesome to be him, give up his power and freaking liberalize this country once and for all?

No, I dont believe in all the glory of capitalism, but I most definitly believe in that more than the horrors of autocracy. Yes, there are obviously a group of horrible dictators that are just as bad. But at least, this also combines one of my oldest dreams of going to North Korea.

So it is like a win/win situation for everyone, except maybe for Kim Jong - Il...


Picture challenge - day 6


Day 06 - a picture of a hard time in your life you overcame


On a regular friday in HK, Annika and I was supposed to go to Macao with some friends. When the alarm bell rang, we realized that we, because of the previous night in LKF maybe enjoyed the free alcohol a bit too much, could not move an inch. Instead, we decided to sleep in for a bit and meet up with them later on. We did somehow manage to get to Macao, but we got lost. And spent 2 hours on a bus. And then 1 more hour looking for a map, until we ended up at the same place we started from. After maybe 4 really hung over hours, we found our friends and then Christer took us to a pizza place. The first part of the day was a really hard time in my life, but I overcame it with a little help from one of my best friends - cheese.

Annika and I, in Macao. Also, I would like to wish her happy birthday! So happy birthday Annika!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

What if - day 5

Day 5 : what If you could ask God any one question, what would it be?

Actually, I dont think I would ask anything, because if I was given the chance to ask God anything, that would mean that he exists. So I would already know that. Also, I wouldnt like to know any of the answers to the "big questions", or what would happen in the future or how I would die. I think that the most amazing thing about being alive is that you can N E V E R know what´s going to happen. If I knew that, then my life probably would be a bit more boring (and obviously predictable) and I would not learn or experience what I need to learn and experience. Even though I would like to ask "Donde esta José?", the thrill of finding him would be lost.

But at the same time, it would be bad to waste such an opportunity. So I would probably ask if Elvis andTupac was still alive, and had like a secret society, where they planned different actions to "half reveal" themselves.

Scenario:
Elvis:
Today, Im going to call into a radio show and say that Im Elvis!
Tupac:
Ha! That is nothing! Im going to realese yet another single, that "someone" just found!
Big Foot:
Oh, you guys are amateurs! I will go out for a walk in the forest and see if someone can take a blury picture of me.

Oh lord, I hope he answers yes!

Picture challenge - day 5

My blog pause is over, so lets get started again!

Day 05 - a picture of a time in your life that you miss.

I have lived for quite a long time now which means that I have lived in many cities, meeting many awesome friends. I do miss my friends at Beyond (Newcastle) and I do miss the student life in Gothenburg, and I do laugh when I remember that summer that I spent with my some of my closest friends in Falun. Even though I love all those memories, if someone came up to me and said that I could do one period of my life all over again, I would without a doubt in my mind say Hong Kong.


Right in the beginning...

Ofcourse people have asked me what HK was like, and it is always hard to explain. First of all, HK is an amazing city which has it all! The shopping, the night life, the sea, the nature, the free alcohol. But the one thing I miss the most, is the people. When you go on exchange, you are thrown together with people that are so different, but you biuld the strongest friendships in the shortest amount of time. I think that the sadest thing is that I can always go back to Gothenburg, Newcastle or Falun and most of my friends would be there or nearby, but The Hong Kong life will never be again.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Conversation with Malin

For you english speaking readers, you might not know that a regular feature on this blog is conversations with my best friend Malin (haha sorry Malin, since I cant use facebook at work, this was the only picture I could find on google). We usally talk about animals, but sometimes we talk about "the big questions". That happened the other day.








Malin:
Ever since we talked yesterday, I cant stop thinking about what happens after you die! How you can just disappear from the face of the earth!
Gabbis: When I took a class in creative writing, my teacher read this short novel about a russian worker and how he dies and then, the last time someone says his name, and then the last time someone reads his name. After about a 100 year or so, there was no trace of this human ever being alive!
Malin: You live and you die, and then you have a burial place for a while, until someone else needs your spot, because you have been dead for too long, and they just died!
Gabbis: I read that Simon Cowell would freeze himself after he is dead!
Malin: Why?
Gabbis: Yes that is what I was thinking too? Im a dualist, and I dont think that your soul just hang around in your body in like forever! And anyhow, most people die from age, how can they fix that in the future? With a face lift?
Malin: And does people in the future really want Simon Cowell to be alive again?
Gabbis: It is not like our civilization hasnt got enough people on the earth! Will they have them like a back up-population. "Oh no, the swin flue hit us again, half of the earths population is dead, we better unfreeze Simon Cowell".
Malin: Also, where are they going to store all these bodies? Are they going to shot them out into space?
Gabbis: Is that Orion? No it´s just Simon Cowells dead body floating around!
Malin: Looking at the stars will have a entirely different meaning!

(As compensation for that picture, I googled myself and found this, hope we are even)


Saturday, August 20, 2011

What if - day 4

Day 4 : what If one song were to describe your life, what song would it be?

No words are necessary.

Picture challenge - day 4

Day 04 - a picture you’re tagged in on facebook that you aren’t actually in.

Actually the whole student party committe that I was in back in Gothenburg is tagged in this picture, and I this could so easily be one of us. (Yes, ofcourse the lowest odds on actually recreating this picture would be on me).

The french loooove

We have many different nations represented at my work, but everybody sits in seperate areas (the swedes are in one, the french are in another and so on). The only time you actually meet someone who is not swedish is when you are in the lunch room. I have checked out this guy from the french team, and for some reason e is always in the lunch room when Im there. (OBVIOUSLY because he wants to be close to me, not that we are on the same lunch schedule or anything like that).

I have tried this Hello-onliner that is obviously the "thing" in Malta. I dont know if I pronounce it right or if Im just have not mastered the tone, but this pick up line is without success! Dont get me wrong, he says hello back, but the conversation stops there. I thought that he might not be interested in my wonderful companionship, until I realised that the most believable scenario is that he doesnt speak english, only french! (OBVIOUSLY, why would he not like my wonderful companionship?).

And that is a problem, the only thing I know in french, thanks to DeliPierre, is

"Montrer ma bit pour la popcorn" = OBS! Grandma, dont read the translation:
Show me your cock and you will get popcorn.

So to get to know this guy better I have two options:
- Learn some more french.
- Or say the things I know.

I think that the last option is the most obtainable one, so my plan is, next time I see him, I will use this line, trying to look like I dont know what it means.

Scenario:

Gabbis: Hello!
hot french guy: Hello!
Gabbis: Montrer ma bit pour la popcorn? (Point at the coffee cup, pretend that Im asking him if he wants coffee)
hot french guy: Que?
Gabbis: Montrer ma bit pour la popcorn? (Asking him how his day was)

I think this plan is safe as fuck! Save the date people, save the date!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Picture challenge - day 3

Day 03 - a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous

Are you kidding me? There is so many of them! But this is certainly one that is in the top. I was on a costume party and Im dressed as... can you guess? No neither could anyone else. People just thought I showed up with a normal dress... and really bad make up. My dearest of friends Sofi thought I had used the wrong concealer, and she was embarassed for my account the entire night until just when we were supposed to leave, and I explained to her that I was supposed to be:

The woman from the James Bond movie Goldfinger, who died from been given the gold treatment. But hm, in hien sight, I would claim that I look more like a rich oompa loompa. What do you guys think?


What if - day 3

Day 3 : What If the whole world were listening, what would you say?

I would like to think that I would make a joke, like:

Why didnt the the skeleton go to the party?
- Because he had nobody to go with

But actually, I think I would be very political. I just finished reading a self biograph about the war in Bosnia (In swedish: Sista kulan sparar jag åt grannen). The book describes how this woman see her friends and neighbours get torn into pieces by war and literally by bombs and former friends becoming enemies just because they have a different national identity. Brothers fighting on differents sides, because they have different fathers and young people becoming soldiers, to kill or to be killed. The thing that made the most impact on me however, was at the very end of the book, when she describes her and her sons first night in Sweden.

"The first night in Sweden, my two sons went out for a walk, to enjoy their newfound freedom. Suddenly a gang passes them on motorcycles, after a few minutes, the turn around, come back, and beat them up. I think that Sweden is a very open and liberal place, but as the rest of the world, there are ideas that some people from some nations are better than others. How long will it take for the world to understand, that nationality doesnt make you stand above anyone, we are all the same, flesh and blood - and should be judged as a person, not as a nationality"

So simple, but yet so hard. So I would stress the importance of equality. There is no "quality" difference between people, and there is no difference between men and women. We are just one humanity.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

What if - day 2

Day 2 : what If you had only 24 hours to live, what would you do?

Hm, first I thought I would answer that I would do everything in life that I enjoy the most, but then I relized, that it might not be suitable to do that. Like sleeping in, not really a good idea when time is precious. So, first of all, I would not sleep at all. Im seing myself, sitting in my room back in Falun, watching the sunrise, writting funny letters to everyone I love. I would have the biggest breakfast ever (especially plenty of swedish cheese sandwiches) with some of my closest friends gathered. After that I would go for a walk with my mum and talk about nothing and everything. Then I would rent a motorbike, cruize around for a bit and then come home and play some piano and eat some more cheese sandwiches.

I imagine the rest of the day being like a great wedding party. I would gather all my friends and family, wear an awesome white dress and then let everyone know how much I love them, by making cheesy speaches. I would get a bit drunk, not because I love it SO SO much, but because, I think that is how I would cope with the fact that I was about to die. And I would sing kareoke, and dance.

And then, two minutes before I die, I would write my last facebook status update:

Why did the mushroom go to the party?
- Because he was a funguy.

The End.

Picture challenge - day 2

Day 02 - a picture of you most recently taken

This picture if from this sinister night when I managed to turn of the electricity in my entire house. I think this picture reflects quite well how I felt: frustrated, in disbelief and in search for somewhere to hide. I think my comparison that night about me being Saddam Hussein of Maltese electricity was really on point, because can you see the resemblence in our facial expressions?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Embarassments

My friend Malin and I were talking the other day about things that all of a sudden creeps into your head. Those things are often embarassing memories, situations or feelings that you thought that you had forgot all about, but from nowhere rises to the surface, like a deadly shark attack! Your body always shiver with uncomfort and a sense of that you need to escape this situation FAST follows, but the problem is that it can sometimes be problamatic to get away from your own train of thoughts.

I often deal with these situations by banging my head really hard with my fist, saying loud and clear "NO GABBIS!". My strategy is simply to teach my brain that if it ever tries to recreat embarassing moments, it will be punished!
Malin on the other hand, deal with this in a more peaceful way, by singing LA LA LAAAAA! Which, unfortunaly, can create new embarassing memories, since walking around like you are on a Sound of Music-set, isnt always looked upon like a sign of mental health. Neither is banging your head with your fist, screaming out your name, come to think about it.

The most interesting thing is that it doesnt matter how old those memories are or that you even knew that they excisted, they dont even have to be that embarassing, the feeling of discomfort is still very manifestable.

I have one specific memory from when I was about 8 or 9 years old. In school, every friday we had like 30 minutes when a group of pupils had arranged something special for the class. I had gathered my whole class in the assemble room, for some singing. Ofcourse, since I since I was young liked being in the center of everything, I was the choirmaster. It should be added, that I didnt know anything about being a chorimaster, since I was 8-9 years old! All of a sudden, I point to one guy and yelled out, stomping my feet to the music: YOU! SING SOLO!
Everybody went quiet, except the guy who bravely started to sing by himself. So long, so good.

But since I actually had no idea what the term "solo" meant, I started to give everybody who wasnt singing an evil stare. WHY ARE YOU NOT SINING! I cried out in that high pitch voice that only mentally insane children can do. DONT YOU LIKE ME, WHY ARE YOU NOT SINGING! SING! SING! Everybody looked really uncomfterable and started to sing. HIGHER! HIGHER! I screamed from the top of my lungs! EVERYBODY SING HIGHER, AND YOU (I pointed to the solo guy again) YOU SING SOLO HIGHER WITH EVEYBODY ELSE!

Thankfully, I have not been a choirmaster since. I say thankfully, since if I had been allowed to do that again, imagine how many times a day I would have to beat myself up!


What if - Day 1

Day 1 : What If you were in a fire and you could only save one object what would it be?

You are probably supposed to answer that you would save pictures of your ex boyfriends cat or all your important papers and stuff. But since I am a restless soul that cant bring stuff with me everywhere I go, I have detached myself from most material things. Except for one thing. My SNES. So I would save my SNES and at the same time hope that I was wearing ALL of my white dresses when the fire started.

Picture challenge - day 1

Day 01 - a picture of you truly being yourself

Oh there are so many of them, but I have chosen this one:
White dress on - CHECK
Bangs all over the place - CHECK
Feeling the passion - CHECK
Enjoying "Dont stop believing" so much that you look like a retard - CHECK

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Blog challenges

I have always tried to be original and creative when it comes to what I post on my blog. It is time to stop that. Even though Malta gives me plenty of insperation for blog posts, sometimes Im just uninspired. Therefore, I have decided to do a 30 day challenge (however, I will blog about other things to, like my new favorite topic Malta ABC). Since I found two interesting lists and have so many things to tell, I decided that Im going to do them both. Here they are:

The What if-challenge
Day 1 : what If you were in a fire and you could only save one object what would it be?
Day 2 : what If you had only 24 hours to live, what would you do?
Day 3 : what If the whole world were listening, what would you say?
Day 4 : what If one song were to describe your life, what song would it be?
Day 5 : what If you could ask God any one question, what would it be?
Day 6 : what If you could be another person for a day, who would you be?
Day 7 : what If you could be invisible for a day what would you do and why?
Day 8 : what If you could choose how you were going to die, what would you choose your death to be?
Day 9 : what If you could commit any crime and get away with it, what would you do?
Day 10 : what If you could have only one food for the rest of your life (assuming that this strange situation would not affect your health), which food would you choose?
Day 11 : what If you could hear what someone is thinking for a day, who would you choose?
Day 12 : what If you could travel back in time, where would you go?
Day 13 : what If you got arrested for murder, whom would you call with your telephone call from prison? And why?
Day 14 : What would you do if you found the wallet of your next-door neighbor who you hated?
Day 15 : what If you could stop a bad habit that you have, what would you stop?
Day 16 : what If you found a suitcase full of $1,000,000, what would you do?
Day 17 : what If you had 25-hour days (while everyone else continued to have 24-hour days), what would you do with the extra time?
Day 18 : what If you had to choose between love and no money or money and no love for the rest of your life, which would you choose?
Day 19 : what if you were given three wishes what would they be?
Day 20 : what If you had to choose between your best friend and your boyfriend, which would you choose?
Day 21 : what If you had to choose, would you give up your sight or your hearing?
Day 22 : what If you received lottery tickets as a gift at the office party, and you won $30,000.00, would you share the winnings with the person that gave you the gift?
Day 23 : what If you saw a robbery, would you report it?
Day 24 : what If you were given a chance to go to the moon, would you go? Why or why not?
Day 25 : what If you were given one million dollars, what would you buy?
Day 26 : what If you were going to a deserted island and could only take three things with you, what would you take?
Day 27 : what If you were marooned on a desert island with one other person how would you survive?
Day 28 : what If you were walking through the forest and you suddenly saw a tiger, what would you do?
Day 29 : what If your friend could not have a child, would you carry her child for her?
Day 30 : What kinds of problems would you have if you had to always tell the truth?

The picture challenge

day 01 - a picture of you truly being yourself
day 02 - a picture of you most recently taken
day 03 - a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous
day 04 - a picture you’re tagged in on facebook that you aren’t actually in
day 05 - a picture of a time in your life that you miss
day 06 - a picture of a hard time in your life you overcame
day 07 - a picture you had no idea was being taken
day 08 - a picture of you with a fake smile
day 09 - a picture of you when you were a different person than you are now
day 10 - a picture of you in a swimsuit (whether you love or hate it)
day 11 - a picture of your craziest day.
day 12 - a picture of you with someone you love
day 13 - a picture of how you’d like the world to see you
day 14 - a picture that describes how you’d like to spend every day
day 15 - a picture of a time when everything was changing
day 16 - a picture that makes your heart hurt
day 17 - a picture that makes your heart smile
day 18 - a picture of one of the best times of your life
day 19 a picture of yourself when you were little.
day 20 - a picture of your "crew"
day 21 - your favorite picture of your best friend/s
day 22 - a picture of you on your birthday or favorite holiday.
day 23 - a facebook picture you have untagged yourself in.
day 24 - a picture you just couldn’t leave out.
day 25 - a picture of you in your favorite outfit.
day 26 - a picture of you from your favorite trip
day 27 - a picture of you from your favorite night out
day 28 - a picture of you in a silly costume.
day 29 - a picture of you when you are drunk.
day 30 - your favorite picture of all times.

Malta ABC

According to Gabi´s alphabet, we have now come to the letter M as in:I know one word in maltese (yes that is apparently a language) and that is hello, which suprise suprise, means hello.

In Sweden it is an unwritten law amongst all swedish people that you are NOT to speak to anyone, E V E R, that you dont know (unless you´re drunk, then everything goes). Even if you met a person several times, and probably have them on facebook, there is always an uncertainty if you are supposed to say hi to them if you see them on the street.

Therefore, the worst culture chock I have come into contact with here in Malta is that maltese men´s favourit word is hello!

When I was out walking (ehm, being lost as always) the other day, an older man with a dog stopped me, said hello and then explained that I should never ever give my mind, body or soul to anyone if I wasnt married. I didnt have the heart to tell him that that might be to late... Anyhow, after 10 minutes talking to him, he said goodbye and I wondered if I should ask him to be my facebook friend, since we already passed the awkward hello-dilemma. (Ehm, and also because Im a bit desparte after friends here in Malta). I didnt.

Otherwise, there is more often young men who wants to say hello, especially at night when Im walking home from work. Hello, hello, they say with a flirty smile, but I never stop ofcourse. But I wonder, does this hello-bit work on regular maltese women? Do they think that "ooh there is a charming fella, and he has such a way with words! I should stop and talk to him, then wait until we are married to give him my mind, body and soul!"

I just wonder, because if that is the case, then Hello is like the most genious pick up-line I ever heard!


Sunday, August 14, 2011

Väder?

Det här med väder kan vara väldigt spännande, och journalistik är aldrig bättre än när man lyckas visa upp två sidor av samma mynt. Båda inläggen är publicerade i lördagens tidningar och första saxat direkt från expressen , som tagit en mer domedagenärnära-hållning medan konkurrenten aftonbladet istället har vänt det till en solskenshistoria:




Var är Heikki Vesa när man behöver honom?

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Friday the 12th

This is yesterdays story:

Since I had the day off, I had decided to do some chores that I have not had time with during the week, like laundry for example. I put everything in the machine, it started and everything was peaceful, UNTIL I decided to take it out. Nothing was clean; actually it was even more dirty then when I put it in, and to add to it, it was soaking wet and a little lake had been created in the washing machine. Hm, I though, well, I just have to do it again. So I drained the machine (by hand) and put back the clothes, closed the door and pressed the start button. But apparently, I have underestimated the power of my midget hands, because all of a sudden, the start button said såaighags. and disappeared into the back of the machine, leaving a freaking whole where it was supposed to be.

But I didn’t let this bother me too much, since I for once in Malta had some nice evening plans with my coworkers. I dolled up all nice and fancy, started to walk (hm, still have not figured out how the buses work) when I realized I needed some cash. So I went to the only withdrawal machine I knew, put it the card, pressed my digits, but NO. Sorry, this machine will not accept your freaking card today. I tried it once, twice, a hundred million times, until I realized the machine said såaighags: WARNING WARNING, we will take your card soon. So I took out my card and decided to go home.

But this did not bother me too much either, since back home I had some episodes of Geordie shore (new favorite tv show) waiting for me, I came in, turned on the light and all of a sudden the light went såaighags.. Total darkness. No worries, I thought, I will just go to the switch panel and switch it back on again. No success.

After sitting alone, in my dark room all glammed up, I decided: this cannot be! There must be something I can do. And I remembered seeing the main switch board for the whole house down in the lobby. AHA! Lets go down there and see if I can fix it! I went into the elevator, but all of a sudden the elevator said såaighags. The doors didn’t close and everything went black. But this didn’t bother me too much, since I could always use the stairs. Free exercise! Down in the lobby, I could see that there was a strange red light on the board. Hm, I thought, I should not touch the switch, because who knows what could happen. I will just press this button. So I did. And it said såaighags and now the whole house is without electricity.

So now im sitting here in my pitch black room in hiding, like Im freaking Saddam Hussein of Maltese electicity. Im sweating my balls of since the AC is not working. But at least I am not alone with the darkness anymore, since approximately 20 other households are experiencing the same thing.

FML.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Gabi´s facebook do and donts

Im at work (to my boss, if you read this, Im on my lunch break...) where facebook is forbidden. A painful reality for a crazy facebook stalker addict like myself. So to get over my facebook withdraw, I made a little list about what I think is acceptable and not so much acceptable in the world of facebook.

Do share funny experiences, but dont copypaste some random bullshit about nothing.
Dont poke people, it is confusing! Why does someone poke someone and what are you supposed to do with a "poke". Are you supposed to poke back? There is NO LOGIC to the poke!
Do fall in love, but please expect that if you are too lovey-dovey on facebook, people will press hide on your facebook-updates.
Dont harass me with your new book, project or whatever, sending me a personal message. If you have something cool going on, or if you updated your blog, just post it on your wall. I will find it and probably like it to.
Dont believe that bullshit about how employers look at your drunken night out-pictures just to figure out if they will employ you or not (but they might look at your blog after you already are an employee). They will look at your CV and how well you do at your interview, soo...
Do leave your profile a bit open. It is freaking annoying when you want to stalk people and they have decided that only the dear 2148 very close friends can see.
Dont untag yourself in pictures where you look like you the twin brother of the hunchback in Notre Dame. You probably looked like that (photo proof) that night, and it is like free entertainment for us all, even yourself!
Dont ask me to be your friend just because you saw me on the "you might now this person"-advert. If you knew me, we would already be friends on facebook (since I stalk people like crazy and add them after I have spoken to them once). My profile is open to anyone anyhow.
Do write to people even if they dont answer you back, but...
Dont be suprised if they respond by giving you the FACEBOOK DEEEELETE-treatment.

And most importantly:
Dont freaking forbid facebook at work, it drives people like me insane and makes me write meaningless blog posts.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Malta ABC

Oh yeah, I promised to tell you guys what the thing was with fireworks. Apparently, every village on Malta has a fiest, where they celebrate a saint. To let people know that the saint is on display, they shoot fireworks. But they dont only use fireworks to call people to church for festive occations. According to a reliable source, they also use fireworks to let people know that the mass will begin soon. And since Malta is a super religious conutry = fireworks 24/7. I love Maltas forward thinking, because you know, church bells are so last century!

Anyhow, lets go on to todays Malta ABC, where the next letter we will take on is L like in
Lidl is like Maltas own personal mekka. People goes on Pilgrimage to Lidl and spend hours upon hours in this food store. (For those of you who´s not from Sweden, Lidl in Sweden is considered to be a white trash store (sorry, but yeah, that is what people think!) where you would not even go to buy milk). I have seriously heard about people at my work who spent hours trekking to the closest Lidl store and everybody is quite jealouse of my apartment. Not because it is mint, (which it is) but because Lidl is located 100 meters away from where I live.

And actually, Im quite liking it too! Not that Lidl have the best supply of goods (they have garden gnomes but not lunch boxes) but sence I still get lost, trying to find my way back home, I can always ask people where Lidl is at.

So in conclusion, Lidl is not my Mekka, but more of my guiding star.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Oh my lord!

Sometimes it is hard to try to run a humour blog when you find websites like these where people are hilarious without even knowing it: www.landoverbaptist.net

The first thing you see when you enter this page is this infomerchial:

Demons? In my rectum? It is more likley than you think. You cant even make that stuff up!

Here are some other quotes from this wonderful site:
About the Moomins:
"The Moomins themselves are white pig/hippo like demons that live in the Moomin Valley. Their appearance is taken from bible part where Jesus drives devil out of two men.

The Hemulen

Maybe the most deviant of all creatures in Moomin valley. This seemingly harmless elder chap is truly a libertine and abomination. He lives alone, wears a purple dress, collects butterflies and stamps and like frolicking with younger males of the Moomin valley. This lewd sodomite goes constantly on sex vacations. "
- Hm, Im afraid I missed that part when Hemulen went on a sex vacation, is it like a special edition book or something?

Reasons for why Sweden is the most evil country on the planet:

  1. Being jealous of the huge Swedish gay community, Abba star Agnetha Fältskog invented backdoor sex between males and females. She created an entirely new pornographic industry that way and directly caused the global AIDS pandemic which caused million of horrible deaths.
  2. Sweden has completely integrated its pornographic industry with its religious activities. It is quite common for Pastors to have threesomes during ceremonies.
  3. In Sweden, they celebrate the new year with human sacrifice and bestiality. While it is true that about 80% of the Swedes belong to the church, the actions of those people tell whole other stories. According to several studies, the 2% of the Swedes that actually attend church, only go there to get drunk, masturbate and have Satanic orgies. The other 78% are busy hating God and trolling the internet. In fact, there will probably be several Swedes in this very thread saying that what you're saying is not true. They'll go to ridiculous lengths to get their false point across
Well I should say that these reasons are quite enough for God to hate Sweden, if they were TRUE!

But my favorite thing is not actually all these "facts", it is this guy:


FINALLY, someone is putting back the "stud" in Bible Study! YOU GO PASTOR EZEKIEL!

Gabi laughs in different Asian Countries: Vietnam nam nam

So, finally! Part 2 of my Asia trip, this time it is off to Vietnam!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

blog questionnaire

Name: Ida Gabriella Magdalena Larsson
Born:
In Falun, Sweden.
Places you lived:
Falun, Gothenburg, Linköping, Sälen, Newcastle, Hong Kong, Malta,
Special features in your personality: I laugh really loud all the time, at everything, at nothing.

Your mom´s best qualities: That she is funny and is easy to talk to. Always happy with a big heart. I also love the fact that she loves suprising me.
Your dad´s best qualities: He is always there to help if you need him to, is really smart and marches to his own drum.

When were you last outside?

Just a few minutes ago. Imane and I went out to eat some hung over food.

If you were on death rowe and had to decided one last meal, what would it be?
Swedish cheese sandwiches! With orange/apple juice.

If your life was a move, what genre would it be?
I think it would be like a romanic comedy, without Prince charming sweaping me away. There would be drama (since Im drama central) and you know the "a girl is new in town"-concept going on.

What would critics think about it?
The critics would probably say that it was too easygoing and mainstream, but I would have hardcore fans, like the people who worship sex and the city. I think the fans name would be Gabihards.

On a scale 1-10, how happy are you with your life?: 8


Why are you single?

Three reasons:
1. My restless soul, which makes me very egoistic in the sence that I go up and move, anywhere at anytime. I mean, I dont want anyone following me around the world, and I dont want to feel like Im leaving someone behind when I move to Malta or wherever.
2. I freaking love being single, you can do anything ( and anyone) you want, whenever you want!
3. I have not met Jose yet.

Tell me about the shirt you're wearing?

Actually, today Im wearing my golden eurovision song contest- dress that my faboulous friend Hanna bought me after I sadly had relized that I didnt own any bling bling clothes.
What's currently bothering you?

Just the fact that I start work at 7 tomorrow, and it is already 23.00. Dear God, why wont you let me sleep in? And also, this freaking heat. I know that when you are swedish you are not supposed to complain when the weather is nice, but seriously, this heat is killing me. I look like I had a bath in sweat and I feel even worse.

What do you currently hear?

Im having this song on repeat:



When was the last time you had your hair cut?

Before Hong Kong, I didnt dare to get my hair cut, in HK after I saw Pierre´s pineapple haircut:

What are you doing today?

Right now, Im just gonna go to sleep, otherwise I have just been chilling, skyping with friends and watching a movie.

When is your Birthday?

19 July. This year I turned the big 25 and spent it with my lovely friend Anna in Uppsala.

The way to win your heart?

Be funny, but not funnier than me. Be smart in the way that you can make fun of yourself and respect yourself enough to not be cruel to people. To be named Jose Gloppestad is also a safe bet.

What are you going​ to do this weeke​nd?

Well, this weekend just passed. I did some sightseeing with one of my flatmates, went to the beach, and then went out in Pachville, which apparently is the place to be if you´re in Malta. It was also the place to be if you´re 15. I was like the oldest person there, but at least I was allowed to drink alcohol. WHOP WHOP!

Were you happy when you woke up today?

Happy, but mostly sweaty.

Have you ever crawled through a window?

Haha, yes! One time I was so borred during class, that I jumped out from a window. True story. I got an A in that class.

What do you do when you're stressed out?

I do my "fast walk". I am a firm believer that when you walk, you should relax and enjoy your surrondings, or if you want to get there fast, run. I hate people who walk like they are about to miss the bus all the time. But when Im stressed out, my tiny midget legs goes faster than they are supposed to. This just makes me freak out more, so it is not recommended as a solution to any stress related problems.

Do you open up to people easily?

Yes and I always tell them the strangest things. Like when I met this guy Andreas the first time and I told him I was "a christian schooled game-leader who didnt apprieciate sex games".

What was the first thing you thought this morning?

"WHY IS IT SO FREAKING HOT IN THIS ROOM?!"

Where is the person you like right now?

Not in Malta.

What was the first thing you did this morning?

Had a shower. Then I had a pizza race with Fredrik Sjöholm.

Do you care of what people think of you?

Well, no. Ofcourse I dont like it when people say bad things about me, but I like myself and I think that´s the most important thing.

Do you miss someo​ne?

Yeah. I miss the HK-pps. I never though I would say this, but I miss going down to Festival walk, trying to figure out what to eat. And I miss my gothenburg friends, just having a beer at the Queen. And Linnea and my sister and the rest of my family. And Malin, that goes wihout saying. Haha apparently, I miss the whole world!

Is there a person of the opposite sex that means a lot to you?

Yes.

If you could go back in time and change something would you?

Well, I think it is a bit late for that now, but I might not have moved to Linköping, when my course was taken place in another city 40 minutes away from there. Who the fuck moves to the wrong city by mistake?

Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Hm. Yes. Well I like to analyze things, and sometimes that takes a while (you know, my brain activity is not as fast as my legs when Im stressed).

Does anyone hate you for no reason?

One of my best and dearest friends Jasmin, hated me for 6 months just because I laughed so loud the first day at University.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with the letter P?

I dont kiss and tell.

Ever been in love?

Yes.

Are you wearing make-up?

Haha, just the left overs from yesterday. This going to bed a bit drunk and then waking up with make up all over your face-thing is freaking hot!

Last time you saw fireworks, with who & where?

Tonight, you know Malta is the place of fireworks. Tomorrow I will tell you why!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

A question to my readers


I saw this advert today and I cant really get my head around it. For you english readers this ad is about a women, looking to by 30-35 kilos of wild boar meet. ASAP!

I cant figure it out. Why does someone need 30-35 kilos of boar meat? URGENTLY?! Is she going to have a Asterix and Obelix-party (my first guess) or has Lady Gaga ordered a new meat dress that needs to be done by tomorrow? (my second, and last guess)

Since this blog is called philosophical exercises with Gabriella, I think we should have a discussion about this. What do you guys think? Can any of my guesses be correct, or is this just a woman who loves her wild boar meat-bacon?

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Anyone wants to be my friend?

Moving to new places is always fun, but it takes a while to get to know people. I kind of figured out why facebook is blocking my facebook friend requests and forced facebook me to only add stranger-friends that I either met while trolleyed, or new when I was 5. This was the last friend request I sent out, before they found out my devious plan: So, anyone have any tips on how to make new friends, besides stalking people?

Monday, August 1, 2011

The problems with being a facebook stalker

Tonight, one of my flatmates and I took a big step in our relationship; we decided to add each other on facebook! After a thorough search, I finally found Imanes profile and clicked add. A big screen came up and said DENIED, and then they added this explanation: (Click to see large picture)

Apparently, facebook thinks Im one of those users who goes around and adds people randomly, writing sexy messages to them and whatnot. So, if you feel that I somehow molested you into being my facebookfriend, please speak up now. This is the ONLY legitimate time to unfriend me!



And if you do unfriend me, dont be suprised if I suddenly start to (drunk) poke you constantly, it is just the sad way of life for a crazy facebook stalker addict like myself.